let's meet contestant #1
he's a skitsophranic serial killer clown who says
women love his sexy smile
let's find out if his charm will work on sharon
sharon, what's your question?
contestant #1
i believe first impressions last forever
so let's say you were to come over to my parents' house
and have dinner with me and my family
tell me what you'd do to make that first impression really stick
let's see,
well i'd have to think about it
i might show up in a tux
ha!! but i doubt it
i'd probably just show up naked like i always do
and look your momma in the eye and tell her fuck you!
hurry up bitch i'm hungry
i smell spaghetti
i pinch her loopy ass and tell her get the food ready!
your dad would probably start trippin
and get me pissed
i'd have to walk up and bust him in his fuckin lips
it's dinner time
we're hearin grace from your mother
i pull the 40 out and pour some for your little brother
i'm steady starin at your sister, i'll tell ya this
you know for only 13 she got some big tits!
after that, your dad would try to jump again
and only this time i'd put the 40 to his chin
after your mom does the dishes and the silverware
i dry fuck her till i nut in my underwear
hehe haha
now let's meet contestant #2
he's a psychopathic deranged crackhead freak
who works for the dark carnival
he says women call him stretch nuts
sharon let's hear your question
i like a man who's not afraid to show his true emotions
a man who expresses himself in his own special way
#2 if you fell in love with me
exactly how would you let me know?
first thing
i could never love you
you sound like a richie bitch yo
fuck you!
but if i did, i'd probably show you that i care
by takin all these other motherfuckers outta here
i'd go through your phone book and whack em all
and find contestant #1 and break his fuckin jaw
anyone who looked atcha would have to pay
i'd be blowin fuckin nuggets off all day
i'd grab your titties and stretch em down past your waist
let em go and watch em both spring up in your face
i'd sing love songs to ya
the best i can
getcha naked and hit it like a cake man!
then we go to the beach and walk through the sand
i'd throw a little in your face and say i'm just playin
as we spread it all out i rub your back
i'd grab your underwear and wedge it up your asscrack!!

well it sounds like contestant #2 is just overflowing with sensitivity
sharon, it's a tough choice so far
sharon, let's have your last question and see
which one is gonna win the rights to your neden
ok if we were at a dance club and you both noticed me at the same time
tell me
how would you each get my attention
and what would your pickup line be?
who ever's the smoothest wins!
ok, first
i'd sliiiiiiiide up to the bar
and tell you that i can't believe how fuckin fat you are
i'd tell you i like the way you make your titties shake
and if you lost a little weight you'd look like riki lake
fuck that
you'd be jackin me quick
i'd order you a drink
and stir it with my dick
and then to get your attention in the crowded place
i'd simply walk up and stick my nuts in your face
yeah freak her with your nuts yeah
that'll get her
tell her that she's fat yeah that'll work even better
look, fuck you
i got a strong rap
shit
you don't want contestant #2 he's mad whack
i walk into a bar and there he was
standin up on a bucket eww tryin to fuck it
it was a big fuckin smelly ass farm llama
damn dog how you gonna dis your momma?